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I want to express positive thoughts but I'm only good at noticing and saying the negative;
I have a lot of ideas but I decided to keep it for myself since it will not be appreciated;
I like to hang out with friends but I prefer staying at home, reading novels and drinking tea;
I appreciate being alone but not the loneliness,
I want to say my thoughts properly but I ended up saying something stupid;
That's why I stay silent and just ponder it on my own.
While writing this some people will notice the errors in this poem.
For that, I apologize since english is not my mother language.
Where did we go wrong?
That we ended up us strangers again,
Not talking to each other,
We can easily pretend those moment didn't exist,
I guess it is better so we can focus on other stuff.

Aug. 12th, 2015

I've stray a lot of times thinking that you've already forgot me
But it is the other way around it was me who forgot you
Still you keep on guiding me back to the path you've created
You redeem my soul even though I commit the same mistakes
Lord, your love is boundless and I'm thankful for the love you've given to me. - Confession of a Stray Soul
Drinking beer in this cold evening
Thinking of how things will work out
Between the two of us
If the feelings are mutual or one-sided
I guess the answer is one-sided love
My heart is going to be rip apart again
Never expected to be in love again immediately
It's never your fault, don't worry
If I can effin stop my heart from fallin'
Because everything that falls is going to be ruined
Unless someone is going to catch it
Fuck it, I should make a note to myself
It will be a miracle if someone is going to love me
Because I'm emotionally unstable, stubborn, perfectionist, short-tempered and also an accident prone

Jun. 26th, 2015

I used to hate the rain, now I learn to love it;
I just look at the stars, now I appreciate its beauty
And its all because of you
When I'm down, you encourage me
When I needed someone to talk, you're there to listen
Never felt it with any other
Holding your hand makes me feel warm and safe
I say it many times that we're only friends
But deep inside I've already fall in love with you
Even though I keep telling myself to stop
Love move the least I expect;
Been dropping hints regarding on what I feel
But I guess you're just dense or trying to ignore it
I'm afraid to confess because things will get awkward
If the feelings are not mutual;
That's why I decided to keep it for now and wait for the right time
i love you to the point i want to break you
and also a smirk appears on my face
thinking it will be interesting
you being chained, whipped and other things
i plan to do on you
seeing your face in pain and also afraid
that's the expression i want to see
while caressing that beautiful face of yours
taking a step back and look at you
i came up a name to the beautiful art that i make
"perverse love"the title that came up in my mind

Confession of a Single Person

Seeing the people around me are happy with their relationship and the glow they emits makes me wonder what is wrong with me? Is it my appearance?(I admit I'm overweight but trying to lose some pounds, also I prefer simple clothing and I don't like to make-up unless it is necessary),Is it my personality?(I confess I'm an introvert, sarcastic, short-tempered and sometimes perfectionist but can be nice and friendly),Is it my standards for a guy?(I read too much, also admiring idols and actors hoping ending up with someone who has a personality or physique like them),Afraid?(seeing how my other friends relationship ended up kinda scares me),Maybe someone likes me but I'm too dense to notice it?(assuming much XD),Or is it because of the reason of the unrequited love I experience and still hoping(Dear to Me, move on he is happy and doesn't give a care about you).A person told me that there's no need to rush maybe he is stuck somewhere or having a relationship with someone else and the others told me that you shouldn't wait and go look for that person already;everyone have their own opinions about it. I'm young and also there's a lot of things I want to do and thinking being single for now is fine, telling to myself that someone is meant for me but as time pass by wondering if I'm gonna end up with that person. But for now all I can do is enjoy the moment and maybe someday I can find him; if not then I can have pets to accompany me for the rest of my living days or adopt a child. Thinking this too much makes me sleepy, so goodnight.
I'm on a state were I can't tell if it's healthy
Or I'm totally ruining myself
My reason of sanity but same time also my insanity
The more I try to stop
The more I become addicted
It's worst than a drug but better than a prescribed medication
Holding on to things, that I should have let go along time ago
Sometimes I wonder if keeping all this time does change something?
It can make me smile for a while but in the end it just bring tears in my eyes;
Tears that no matter how I try to stop just keep on falling
Memories that I try to forget, but in the end I still remember like it happens yesterday
It reaches to the point of dreaming those events that wakes me up at night
That it can be a sweet dream for a while before it turns into a nightmare
Its eating me up to the point when I look at the mirror
All I can see is a ghost, a girl who can't leave the past behind
No matter how I try to cover myself up with my fake smile and enthusiasm
I don't want them to notice what is happening to me
To the point that I avoid them and lock myself in my own world
Seeing my classmates in college
Those guys who are happy go lucky
Are now working hard to make a living
Makes me reminisce the past
All we need to do that time is to study and have fun
Now, some of us have a child to take care
Working on different establishments but on the same area,
Or some of us still looking for a job
I guess everyone is growing or finding there place in the society
Some of us work together or on their own
It's kinda exciting and the same time scary
Never knowing what is in store for you
All we can do is to move forward but never lose the connection
That we have on our college days